Wedding reading
On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions
Ambrose Bierce
“On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions” by Ambrose Bierce is a prose reading read at a wedding ceremony. It takes about a minute and a half read aloud, usually by the officiant. It is in the public domain, so the full text is printed on this page and goes straight into a ceremony script.
The full text
BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate. LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
Public domain, so these words can be printed in a ceremony script or an order of service.
What it is about
This one bites — mordant, not gently teasing, and only for a couple with a dry, self-aware sense of humour. Read all five before you offer it: the entry on marriage makes an 1881 joke about masters and slaves.
Read at a wedding ceremony. Themes: the devil's dictionary · a temporary insanity curable by marriage · cynical definitions · mordant rather than teasing · a couple who cannot stand sentiment · dry and biting · short.
Questions about reading it aloud
How long does “On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions” take to read aloud?
“On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions” takes about a minute and a half read aloud at a ceremony pace, which is slower than conversation — roughly 130 words a minute. That is the figure the run-sheet uses when it works out the timing for the whole service.
Who usually reads “On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions”?
Usually the officiant rather than a guest reader. “On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions” runs about a minute and a half, which sits inside the part of the service the officiant is already leading, and keeping it there means it is carried by the person who has rehearsed it.
Can “On marriage, from The Devil's Dictionary — five definitions” be printed in a ceremony script?
Yes. It is in the public domain, so the full text is on this page and can be printed in a script or an order of service.
Where this text was checked
Checked word for word against a full-text edition that is itself the authority — a Project Gutenberg or Wikisource transcription, a publisher’s own edition, or the issuing body’s page.
Checked
A reading is two minutes of the hour.
The rest is the welcome, the vows, the ring exchange, the pronouncement — and the timing that holds them together. Answer some questions about the couple and get the whole ceremony, written out, with this reading in its place.
Other readings that suit the same service
- On Marriage, from The Propheta minute and a halfKahlil Gibran
- On Becoming Real, from The Velveteen Rabbit55 secondsMargery Williams
- from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entriesa minute and a halfMark Twain
- from The Importance of Being Earnest, Act Itwo minutesOscar Wilde
- Uniona minute and a halfRobert Fulghum
- Love Is a Temporary Madnessa minute and a halfLouis de Bernières