Rituals
Wedding ceremony rituals, with the minutes they add and the props to remember
A wedding ritual adds between one and ten minutes to the ceremony — one minute for breaking the glass, three for a unity candle, a sand ceremony or el lazo, four for handfasting, five for ring warming or a tea ceremony, ten for the fire rites or a nikah, which the family’s pandit or imam leads. Each ritual needs props that somebody other than the couple has to be responsible for bringing.
Pick one. A ceremony with a single ritual in it has a shape; a ceremony with three has a to-do list, and the room can feel the difference.
All 42 are below, grouped by where they come from — the ones most couples arrive already knowing about first, then the unity rites that carry no religious content, then the rites of each tradition. Where a rite is led by a priest, a pandit, an imam or a rabbi, it says so under the entry.
The minutes are real — they go into the run-sheet as written, because a ritual takes the time it takes plus the time people spend walking to it and back. The props list is there because the props are what actually get forgotten.
Every ritual, by tradition
Most often chosen · 11
Unity candle
Two taper candles lit from family candles, then one center candle lit together.
Bring: Two taper candles · One pillar candle · A lighter that works outdoors
Sand ceremony
Two colors of sand poured into one vessel.
Bring: Two vials of sand · One clear vessel · A small table
Cord of three strands
Three cords braided together — one for each of them, and one for God.
Bring: Three cords, fixed at the top · A stand, hook, or dowel to braid against · A clip, ribbon, or knot to tie off the bottom · Someone to carry it away afterwards
Handfasting
Their hands bound with cord or cloth while the vows are spoken.
Bring: Cord, ribbon, or tartan · Someone to hold it until the cue
Wine box or love letter
A bottle and sealed letters boxed to open on an anniversary — or the same box packed as a time capsule, with the small things from the day nailed in beside them.
Bring: Wooden box · Bottle of wine · Two sealed letters · Anything else going in, gathered the night before · Hammer and nails
Breaking the glass
A wrapped glass broken underfoot, and the room shouts.
Bring: Glass wrapped in cloth or a pouch
Sheva Brachot
The seven blessings, often shared among family and friends.
Bring: Printed blessings for each reader · A glass of wine
Jumping the broom
The couple step over a decorated broom into married life.
Bring: Decorated broom · Someone to place it on the cue
Rose exchange
Their first gift as a married couple, given to each other or to their mothers.
Bring: Two roses
Communion
The couple take communion together during the ceremony.
Bring: Bread and cup · A small table · Confirm who may serve it
Foot washing
A mutual act of service before the vows.
Bring: Basin · Pitcher of warm water · Two towels · Two chairs
Unity rites, no religious content · 10
Ring warming
The rings travel through the seats before the exchange, and every guest holds them for a moment and wishes something for the marriage.
Bring: A ribbon, pouch, or closed box the rings cannot fall out of · Two people named to start the pass and to close it · A small guest list — over about eighty, warm them in one row instead
Wine blending
Two wines poured into one glass and drunk from together — a blend that exists only because both were poured.
Bring: Two bottles or carafes · One glass or decanter · A small table · Both bottles opened before the ceremony starts
Unity toast
A drink the two of them chose — whiskey, wine, beer, or tequila — poured for them at the front, and often raised by the whole room with them.
Bring: The bottle they chose · Two glasses, poured before the processional · A small table · Glasses for the guests, if the room is drinking too
Tree planting
A young tree settled with soil brought from both families, to be planted at home after the day.
Bring: A sapling or a potted tree · Two vessels of soil · A trowel · A mat to keep the soil off the floor
Salt covenant
Two vessels of salt poured into one, grains that cannot be picked apart again.
Bring: Two vials of salt · One vessel with a lid · A small table
Unity art
A canvas painted, poured, or handprinted by the two of them during the ceremony, and hung at home afterwards.
Bring: A prepared canvas on an easel · Paint and two brushes, or a pouring set · Wipes and a drop cloth · Someone to move it while it is still wet
Blessing stones
Every guest is handed a stone on the way in, holds it through the ceremony, and leaves it in a bowl on the way out.
Bring: A smooth stone for every guest · A basket at the door · A bowl for them to be left in · A line in the programme, or somebody at the door to explain it
Honey ceremony
Each gives the other a taste of honey, for the sweetness of the year they are starting.
Bring: A small jar of honey · Two spoons · A napkin and a dish for the used spoons
Memory jar
Guests write a line for the two of them, and the jar is sealed and opened on an anniversary.
Bring: A jar or box that seals · Cards and pens at every seat · A table for it by the door · Somebody to collect the ones people forget to hand in
Love locks
Two padlocks closed together, and the keys kept or thrown.
Bring: Two padlocks, engraved or plain · Something solid for them to be locked onto · Somewhere for the keys to go
Jewish · 5
Chuppah
The canopy they stand under for the whole ceremony, open on all four sides in the way a hospitable home is.
Bring: A chuppah, or four poles and a cloth · Four pole-holders, named at the rehearsal · Weights or stakes if it is standing outdoors
Ketubah signing
The marriage contract signed by the two of them and their witnesses — usually just beforehand with close family, sometimes in front of everyone.
Bring: The ketubah · A pen that will not skip on it · Two witnesses, asked well in advance · A firm table to sign on
The signing is ordinarily overseen by a rabbi, and who may sign as a witness is set by the family’s tradition rather than by preference. Ask the family’s rabbi what they expect before the day, and we build the moment around their answer.
Blessing over wine
The blessing said over a cup of wine, which the two of them then drink from.
Bring: A kiddush cup · Wine or grape juice · A small table · Someone to pour it before the processional
Circling
Seven circles walked under the canopy — one partner around the other, or the seven split between them.
Bring: Room to walk a full circle under the canopy · Someone to hold the bouquet · A count agreed at the rehearsal so nobody loses track
Shehecheyanu
The short blessing of thanks for having reached this day, said or sung near the opening.
Bring: Printed words for whoever says it · A cue agreed with the singer, if it is sung
Mexican and Latin American · 2
El lazo
A loop of cord, rosary, or flowers laid over both their shoulders in a figure eight and left there through the blessing.
Bring: The lazo — cord, rosary beads, or flowers · The padrinos who place it and lift it off · Two chairs, if they are seated for it
Las arras
Thirteen coins passed from one pair of cupped hands to the other, a promise about everything they will share.
Bring: Thirteen coins · The arras box or tray · The padrinos who bring them forward
Filipino · 1
Cord and veil
A veil pinned across the shoulder of one and over the head of the other, then a cord laid over both in a figure eight — each placed by its own pair of sponsors.
Bring: The veil and pins · The yugal cord · The veil sponsors and the cord sponsors, named at the rehearsal · Two chairs
East Asian · 3
Chinese tea ceremony
Tea served to parents and elders in turn, each cup offered with a bow and a few words and returned with a blessing.
Bring: A tea set, with the tea made beforehand · A tray · Two chairs for whoever is being served · Someone from the family to set the order they are served in
San-san-kudo
Three cups and three sips from each, nine in all, shared between the two of them and in many families their parents after.
Bring: A stacked set of three sake cups · Sake, poured beforehand · A tray and someone to carry it in
Red string of fate
A red cord tied around a finger or wrist of each, from the old belief that the two of them were tied together long before they met.
Bring: Two lengths of red cord · Small scissors · Someone holding them until the cue
Persian · 1
Sofreh aghd
The ceremony spread they sit facing — a cloth laid with a mirror, candles, herbs and sweets — and near the end each feeds the other a little honey.
Bring: The sofreh cloth and everything laid on it · A mirror and two candelabra · Honey and two small spoons · Floor space in front of the guests, laid out before anyone is seated
Ukrainian and Slavic · 2
Rushnyk
They step together onto an embroidered cloth, often one kept in the family, and stand on it while they make their promises.
Bring: The rushnyk · Someone to lay it flat on the cue · Level ground to lay it on
Bread and salt
The parents meet them with a round loaf and a dish of salt, and each tears off a piece, dips it, and eats.
Bring: A round loaf · A dish of salt · A cloth or tray to carry them on · The parents who bring them forward
Scottish and Celtic · 2
Quaich
A two-handled cup drunk from together, then often passed to both families.
Bring: A quaich, or another cup with two handles · Whisky, or whatever they would rather drink, poured beforehand · Someone to carry it in and take it away
Oathing stone
A stone held between their hands while the vows are spoken, and kept afterwards.
Bring: A stone that fits in two cupped hands · A cloth or dish to carry it in
Hindu · 4
Jai mala
Flower garlands lifted over each other’s heads, usually to a good deal of noise from both families.
Bring: Two flower garlands · Someone to carry them in and take them away once they are on · A step, if one of them needs the height
Saptapadi
Seven steps taken together, each one a promise for the marriage that follows.
Bring: A clear path of seven paces · Seven small piles of rice, or seven marked places · The wording of each step, from whoever the family are following
Where the seven steps are taken around the fire, a pandit leads them and the Sanskrit is theirs to say. Ask the family whether their priest is conducting this part; the script introduces it, hands over, and picks up cleanly afterwards.
Mangalsutra
The black-beaded necklace tied on, sometimes with sindoor, so that the marriage can be seen.
Bring: The mangalsutra · Sindoor and something to apply it with, if it is part of it · A tray to bring them forward on
The knots and the words that go with them belong to the family’s tradition and are usually led by their priest. Ask what they want said and who is saying it, and the moment is built around that answer.
Fire rites (agni)
The rites made around the sacred fire — the offerings, and the vows and steps taken before it — conducted by the family’s pandit.
Bring: The pandit the family have asked to lead it · The havan kund and everything the pandit asks for · Written permission from the venue for an open flame · Clear space, and somebody watching the fire
A lay officiant does not lead the fire rites. They are a priest’s to conduct, and performing them without one is not a shortened version of the rite — it is a different thing wearing its name. Ask the family which pandit is leading, and the run-sheet gives the fire its minutes while the script hands over and picks back up after.
Muslim · 1
Nikah
The marriage contract, offered and accepted before witnesses, conducted by an imam or by whoever the family and their mosque appoint.
Bring: The imam or officiant the family have asked to conduct it · The contract and a pen · The witnesses, asked in advance · Seating arranged the way the family ask for
This one is not ours to lead. The nikah is conducted by an imam or by whoever the family and their mosque appoint, and a lay officiant standing in for that has changed what happened rather than shortened it. Reach the family’s mosque first; everything we script goes around it — the welcome, the readings, and the words after.
Questions
How long does a wedding ritual add to the ceremony?
Between one minute for breaking the glass and five for ring warming, a foot washing or a tea ceremony, with most landing at two to four. The fire rites and a nikah run to ten, and a priest or an imam leads those rather than the officiant. That is real time on the run-sheet: a ceremony with three rituals in it is ten minutes longer than the couple imagined when they chose them.
Which wedding ritual should we choose?
One, usually, and one that means something to the couple or their families rather than one that photographs well. Two is possible in a longer ceremony. Three starts to feel like a series of errands, and the guests notice before the couple does.
Who is responsible for the props?
Somebody with no job during the ceremony itself — not the couple, and not whoever is leading it. Every ritual below has a props list, and every one of them has been forgotten by somebody — most often the lighter for an outdoor unity candle, which will not stay lit in wind regardless. Name a person at the rehearsal and give them the list.
Do rituals have to be religious?
No. A whole row of them carry no religious content at all: handfasting, the sand ceremony, ring warming, wine blending, a tree planting, a memory jar, the wine box, jumping the broom. Communion and Sheva Brachot do, and communion in particular has rules about who may serve it — confirm with the officiating church before it is planned in.
Which rituals does a friend or family officiant not lead?
The fire rites and a nikah are conducted by the family’s pandit or imam, and the ketubah signing, the seven steps and the tying of the mangalsutra are ordinarily overseen by a rabbi or a priest. Those are named on this page where they sit, with who leads them. Ask the family who is conducting each one, and the ceremony is built around that answer — the run-sheet gives the rite its minutes, and the script hands over and picks back up after it.
The ritual needs words around it.
Choose a ritual and get the wording that introduces it, the stage directions for the bit where everyone is holding something, its props on the rehearsal checklist, and a run-sheet that has already added its minutes to the total.