Wedding reading
from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries
Mark Twain
“from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries” by Mark Twain is a prose reading read at a wedding ceremony. It takes about a minute and a half read aloud, usually by a guest reader. It is in the public domain, so the full text is printed on this page and goes straight into a ceremony script.
The full text
Monday This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. Friday She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have always done it — always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and the coolness. I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other use that I can see, and they must have been made for something. She says they were only made for scenery — like the rhinoceros and the mastodon. Thursday She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib. Wednesday … I find she is a good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and depressed without her, now that I have lost my property. Ten Years Later After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Public domain, so these words can be printed in a ceremony script or an order of service.
Where it comes from
Mark Twain’s Extracts from Adam’s Diary is dated 1893, and Twain presents it with a mock note claiming he translated a portion of the diary some years before.
What it says
Adam keeps a diary in the first days of the world, and at first he finds Eve a nuisance. She follows him around and gets in the way, and he wishes she would stay with the other animals. She begs him to stop going over the Falls, which he thought was what they were for. She claims to be made from his rib, which he doubts, since he has not missed one. Then, slowly, he admits she is good company and that he would be lonely without her. The final entry, ten years later, changes everything: he was wrong about her at the beginning, and it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Adam is baffled by Eve for four entries and then says the truest thing in the book. Tell the reader to slow right down for the last one. Read at a wedding ceremony. Themes: Adam and Eve · it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her · a husband who does not understand his wife yet · starts funny and turns sincere · diary entries · the rib joke · a couple who tease each other · a reading that changes gear at the end.
Who it suits
Couples who tease each other, couples who did not like each other at first, and anyone who wants a reading that is funny for most of its length and sincere at the end. It suits a civil ceremony or a light-hearted church wedding with an open-minded congregation, since it plays with Genesis. Couples who are uneasy about jokes on scripture should pass it over.
Where it goes in the ceremony
A main reading, read by a friend with good timing. It works as the second reading, after a short traditional piece, so that it breaks the solemnity before the vows. Because the date headings matter, one reader should do it all.
Reading it aloud
The text on this page is 216 words. At a ceremony pace of about 130 words a minute, which is slower than conversation, that comes to about a minute and a half of reading.
- Read the day headings as headings: a short pause, the day, another pause. They mark the time passing.
- Keep Adam’s voice puzzled and a little pompous. The jokes work best when he does not know they are jokes.
- Leave a beat after “I have not missed any rib.” That is where the room laughs.
- Slow right down for “Ten Years Later”, change the tone completely, and read the last line plainly and warmly.
Questions about reading it aloud
How long does “from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries” take to read aloud?
“from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries” takes about a minute and a half read aloud at a ceremony pace, which is slower than conversation — roughly 130 words a minute. That is the figure the run-sheet uses when it works out the timing for the whole service.
Who usually reads “from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries”?
Usually a guest reader rather than the officiant. “from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries” runs about a minute and a half, which is a manageable amount to hand to a friend or family member. Give them a printed copy of their own, in a size they can read without their glasses, and tell them where to stand and how you will introduce them.
Can “from Extracts from Adam's Diary — selected entries” be printed in a ceremony script?
Yes. It is in the public domain, so the full text is on this page and can be printed in a script or an order of service.
Where this text was checked
Checked word for word against a full-text edition that is itself the authority — a Project Gutenberg or Wikisource transcription, a publisher’s own edition, or the issuing body’s page.
Checked
A reading is two minutes of the hour.
The rest is the welcome, the vows, the ring exchange, the pronouncement — and the timing that holds them together. Answer some questions about the couple and get the whole ceremony, written out, with this reading in its place.
Other readings that suit the same service
- Genesis 2:18–24a minute and a halfThe original story Twain is playing with
- Sonnet 130a minute and a halfAnother reading that jokes until its last lines turn sincere
- from Jane Eyre — ten years marrieda minute and a halfAnother view of a marriage ten years in, without the jokes
- On Marriage, from The Propheta minute and a halfKahlil Gibran
- On Becoming Real, from The Velveteen Rabbit55 secondsMargery Williams
- from Obergefell v. Hodgesa minute and a halfJustice Anthony Kennedy