Funeral reading

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

Commonly attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye

“Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” (commonly attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye) is a poem read at a funeral or memorial service. It takes about 40 seconds read aloud, usually by a guest reader. We do not reprint the words here — the note below says why, and what to bring instead.

Why the words are not printed here

Authorship is disputed: the poem is commonly attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye, and Clare Harner’s “Immortality”, published in December 1934, is also credited. With the rights unsettled, we do not print it. It is in every funeral anthology — bring a copy in the wording the family knows, because the versions differ line by line.

Pieces still in copyright are listed by title and author only — we name them and tell you where to get them, but we do not reproduce the words. Public-domain text is printed in your script in full.

Where it comes from

A version titled Immortality, by the Kansas poet Clare Harner, appeared in the magazine The Gypsy in December 1934, and Mary Elizabeth Frye’s name was first attached to the poem in 1983.

What it says

The voice in the poem is the person who has died, speaking to the people standing at the grave. They are not there, the poem says, and they are not asleep. They are in the wind, in light on snow, in ripe fields and soft rain, in birds rising in the morning and in the stars at night. The mourners are asked not to stand weeping, because the one they mourn has not really gone. It turns death into presence in the natural world, and it is short, simple and gentle.

Everyone knows it. Check which wording the family means — several are in circulation. Read at a funeral or memorial service. Themes: I am not there · a thousand winds · scattering ashes · very famous · graveside.

Who it suits

Families who want comfort without religious doctrine, outdoor and graveside services, and the scattering of ashes, since its images belong outdoors. It suits people who loved nature, walking or gardening. Some find it overused, and families who want a clearly Christian hope may prefer scripture.

Where it goes in the ceremony

Often read at the graveside or the scattering, or as the last reading before the committal. A grandchild or close friend can read it; it is short and simple enough for a young reader.

Reading it aloud

Allow about 40 seconds at a ceremony pace of about 130 words a minute, from the reader’s first word to their last.

Ask which wording the family know, and print that one. The versions in circulation differ line by line, and a mourner who knows it will hear any change.
It is spoken in the voice of the one who has died. Read it plainly; acting it as the dead person speaking is hard on the room.
The last line is the turn. Slow down for it and look up when you have said it.

Questions about reading it aloud

How long does “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” take to read aloud?

“Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” takes about 40 seconds read aloud at a ceremony pace, which is slower than conversation — roughly 130 words a minute. That is the figure the run-sheet uses when it works out the timing for the whole service.

Who usually reads “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep”?

Usually a guest reader rather than the officiant. “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” runs about 40 seconds, which is a manageable amount to hand to a friend or family member. Give them a printed copy of their own, in a size they can read without their glasses, and tell them where to stand and how you will introduce them.

Can “Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” be printed in a ceremony script?

Not by us. Authorship is disputed: the poem is commonly attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye, and Clare Harner’s “Immortality”, published in December 1934, is also credited. With the rights unsettled, we do not print it. It is in every funeral anthology — bring a copy in the wording the family knows, because the versions differ line by line.

A reading is two minutes of the hour.

The rest is the welcome, the life, the remembrances, the committal — and knowing what comes next. Answer some questions about them and get the whole service, written out, with this reading in its place.

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