Funeral reading

She Is Gone / Remember Me

David Harkins

“She Is Gone / Remember Me” by David Harkins is a poem read at a funeral or memorial service. It takes about 35 seconds read aloud, usually by a guest reader. We do not reprint the words here — the note below says why, and what to bring instead.

Why the words are not printed here

Still in copyright — Queen Elizabeth II chose it for the order of service at her mother’s funeral in 2002, which is why families ask for it by half-remembered lines. Print it from a licensed source.

Pieces still in copyright are listed by title and author only — we name them and tell you where to get them, but we do not reproduce the words. Public-domain text is printed in your script in full.

Where it comes from

David Harkins wrote the prose poem Remember Me in 1982, and it became widely known after Queen Elizabeth II chose it for her mother’s funeral in April 2002; he has said he first wrote it about unrequited love.

What it says

The poem is a set of paired choices. Each pair offers the mourner two ways to respond to the same loss: grieve that the person has gone, or be glad that they lived; close your eyes and wish them back, or open them and see what they left behind; feel empty because they are not here, or full because of the love you shared. Line by line it leans toward the second choice, and it ends by asking the mourners to do what the person would have wanted, to smile, love and carry on.

The "you can shed tears, or you can smile" one. Often misattributed. Read at a funeral or memorial service. Themes: you can shed tears or you can smile · a choice about how to grieve · short · well known.

Who it suits

Celebration-of-life services, the death of a mother or grandmother, and families who want to give permission to smile. It suits secular and religious services alike. It can feel too brisk for a very sudden or traumatic death, where being told to move on may sting.

Where it goes in the ceremony

Fits well after the eulogy or toward the end of the service, before the committal or closing words. A grandchild, friend or the officiant can read it. It is short and needs no introduction beyond its title.

Reading it aloud

Allow about 35 seconds at a ceremony pace of about 130 words a minute, from the reader’s first word to their last.

Credit David Harkins when you introduce it. It is often printed as anonymous, and the author is known.
Every line is built on the same pattern. Give a small pause at each turn between the two choices so the shape is clear.
If the person was a man, the family may want it changed to he; agree that in advance and print the version you will read.

Questions about reading it aloud

How long does “She Is Gone / Remember Me” take to read aloud?

“She Is Gone / Remember Me” takes about 35 seconds read aloud at a ceremony pace, which is slower than conversation — roughly 130 words a minute. That is the figure the run-sheet uses when it works out the timing for the whole service.

Who usually reads “She Is Gone / Remember Me”?

Usually a guest reader rather than the officiant. “She Is Gone / Remember Me” runs about 35 seconds, which is a manageable amount to hand to a friend or family member. Give them a printed copy of their own, in a size they can read without their glasses, and tell them where to stand and how you will introduce them.

Can “She Is Gone / Remember Me” be printed in a ceremony script?

Not by us. Still in copyright — Queen Elizabeth II chose it for the order of service at her mother’s funeral in 2002, which is why families ask for it by half-remembered lines. Print it from a licensed source.

A reading is two minutes of the hour.

The rest is the welcome, the life, the remembrances, the committal — and knowing what comes next. Answer some questions about them and get the whole service, written out, with this reading in its place.

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